How you treat yourself is how others will treat you

By Ajoua Jackson

Excerpt from her upcoming book, Scotch on the Rocks

Ever since I was a teenager I've been heavily into taking care of my body. I started getting pedicures year round by the time I was twenty. During this time, it wasn't normal to request a pedicure in the winter. Lawd, I received some very strange looks when I began this journey. I only wore bright red nail polish and I never wore sandals. I don’t have cute feet so I had to make sure they were well buffed and polished to compensate. And I still only wore sneakers. I was too self-conscious to show my feet. Thank God for sending a friend my way who pointed out women who never took care of their feet wearing sandals. That gave me the push to take a brave leap while in Miami on vacation. I haven't looked back and ladies, don’t be checking my feet out if you see me in sandals.

This slight obsession moved to the soap, lotion and perfumes I bought for my body. But the lesson came in when I embarrassingly went to Momma complaining of all the hair I had below on my private area.  It was leaving my panties wet and I was disgusted by this. I wanted to know what to do about my unfortunate situation. The first piece of advice from Momma was to cut my hair down. I went out purchased scissors and sat on the bathroom toilet and proceeded to give myself a nice trim. I was so happy for about a day or so. Then the awful moist panties were back. I went back to Momma complaining she then recommended I purchase a razor and shave the hair off. I had a razor I purchased to shave my legs with. Using one of those I lathered myself up and shaved off my hair in the shower. Let me tell you I was floating. I walked around feeling confident for about two weeks then the itching of a lifetime attacked me. If I could I would’ve dug my private parts out and stuck them in a bucket of ice. I was on fire. I was constantly in the bathroom rubbing, scratching and begging for any kind of relief. Needless to say, I allowed my hair to fully grow back. Next came Nair. I left it on for the recommended amount of time and wiped. The cream came off and the hair stayed. You know the saying, "Hair like steel wool," yup, that's me. I went back to shaving and my misery. Finally, after going to every skin care counter in Macy's, I found a lady at Clinique who gave me a fingertip amount of After Sun Rescue Balm with Aloe. The heavens were smiling on me. It stopped the itch within seconds. My new dilemma was my lack of smoothness after I shaved. I could still feel the stubble. Looks can be so deceiving.  I once again went complaining to Momma and the lady who did my eyebrows. Thankful for Grace. She told about bikini and Brazilian waxes. I was too nervous the first time so I only got a bikini wax. Each time I went back she took off more hair until I eventually had my first Brazilian. I had reached my nirvana.

This became a part of my ritual and routine for my body maintenance. I wasn't in a relationship. I wasn't doing this for anyone but myself. She told me I figured it out. I didn't understand what she meant. What had I figured out? Momma explained that how I treat myself teaches a person how I want/expect to be treated and how I should treat them. A person treats you according to how you treat yourself. If you never take yourself to get a mani or pedi why would they think to treat you to one. If you never bought yourself the perfume you really wanted and instead only bought the cheap stuff from Walmart then they’ll go to Walmart when purchasing gifts for you. Why? Because that's where they seen you buy stuff for yourself.

I needed more information on this from Momma. So she went further. How you pamper yourself, how you make sure you look nice, smell good, and maintain yourself tells a person you care about yourself. It’s an indicator of how you love and like you, especially when you do this while you're single. See when you're single people have this false belief that you shouldn't do these things because there is no one there to appreciate it. What? Yes there is. You. Appreciate you. I love me some me.  I love lying next to myself and rubbing my feet on my legs. Feeling the smoothness. This also lets them know you will take good care of them. You will treat them well. My lesson from this is take pride in yourself. There is nothing wrong with loving and liking yourself. This allows other friends, family and even your future spouse to see what they can expect from you and it is a guide to how you expect to be treated. You are boldly declaring that you have expectations and standards.

I stress this notion in my life. A lot of times, we truly believe we don’t deserve to be treated well. Get this, many of us actually think what we did in our past makes it impossible to live our best life in our future. You know, that girl, “Karma!” She is preventing you and me from having “good” in our lives. This is far from true! If you are reading this saying, “This is me!” It’s time for a new way of thinking! Or you grew up poor like many of us and you’re afraid of treating yourself better. You don’t want to be called, “Bougie!” Smile, wave and say, “Thank you, I sure am!”

You must ask yourself, what is my worth? Answer it, then add tax!

Ajoua Jackson is the author of Scotch on the Rocks, which is a collection of stories and lessons taught to her by her Momma. She wrote these stories to make ladies laugh and think about life and the many lessons it teaches them. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you is an excerpt from the upcoming book.