Shift Your “WAIT”
By Natasha Marie
Microwave Mentality. You know - that mentality that anything taking longer than 5 seconds is a hindrance to our convenience. It’s the mindset that if it’s not happening NOW, then well – it’s just not happening soon enough. It is the approach that having to wait is a waste and all too often, this is also the mentality that has shaped the very culture out here in these streets. Everyone is in a hurry and no one has “time” because they’re rushing to do what they don’t have time to do. We’ve even coined a few phrases that reflect how much we hate to wait. I’ll even let YOU fill in the blanks because I know you can…
In the words of Auntie Maxine, I’m reclaiming my _______!
I wish I had more than 24 _______ in my day…
Time _______ when you’re having fun.
My kid isn’t a toddler anymore - where did the time ___?
If only I could turn back the hands of _______.
I know I’m single but in due _______ the right relationship will happen!
Yeah but at the end of the day – ain’t NObody got NO ______ fa THAT!
Time has become one of THE greatest commodities in a world where even 1 minute at the microwave just seems to be too much! Let’s face it – no one likes to wait. And yet, if you’re single – the “wait” is your present-day reality. Whether you’re waiting on God to cross your path with your Miracle Man (Mr. Fine) or waiting on your next job opportunity, waiting is not necessarily a bad thing. It is that space between receiving an amazing prophetic word that something great is coming your way and the manifestation of that thing actually coming to pass. Having to wait is rarely looked upon as desirable and yet it is that phase of time when magic happens.
Have you ever thought about the fact that we often associate TIME with a concept that is undesirable? We struggle to manage it and we never seem to have enough of it. Too often we even refer to it as something that “flies” or “goes” quickly and escapes us prematurely. Time is valuable and happens to be one thing that cannot be reinstated if it has been frivolously wasted. By now you’re asking yourself, “WHY is she harping on this concept?” Well I’m glad you asked. The answer is…… right around the corner, just wait for it!
Just kidding… I won’t make you wait. But clearly, if you’re reading this, chances are that you are ‘waiting’ on a spouse. It is very likely that you’re reading this because you’re a Single Dope Black Chick and let’s face it – that means YOU are waiting. Let’s explore some of the ways that this concept impacts us as Single Dope Black Chicks…. Here are 3 examples of women who are experiencing what it means to wait:
Let’s speak to the woman who has spent 10 months pouring into a man who decides to walk away or cheat on her. This woman is in need of some real intervention. She can’t help but to feel like she has wasted valuable time that she will never get back. It may even seem to her that she’s put all her time and attention into someone who clearly wasn’t worth the energy. She may feel humiliated or betrayed and all the negative feelings associated with the dissolve of the relationship. I just believe that although time has been lost, this woman is one step closer to being available for the one who will value her, as well as her time. This is even more reason she should WAIT next time and avoid the pitfalls that come when we hurry into a situation that surely had the signs and the red flags. Single Dope Black Chick, is that you?
Let’s ponder the woman who has been single and celibate for a few years. She is waiting for her soul mate and has a very different story to tell. While the single (dope black) chick in the first example was spending her time boo’ed up with bae, this woman was alone. Maybe even lonely at times but she doesn’t publicly admit to it. She spends time with her girlfriends here and there, but she has otherwise been dating herself and enjoying her own company. She has learned the art of loving herself by taking the time to unpack her own baggage. She is choosing to heal from past hurts or wrong male choices and taking a break from male involvement, by choice. Although she would enjoy the company of a man, there hasn’t been one to measure up to her standard or even remotely come close. She refuses to waste time wallowing in a sea of self-pity, so instead she is enjoying her life while she waits. She has her days where she thinks about it and other times, she goes about her life not even conscious of the fact that she is without a mate. Single Dope Black Chick, is that you?
Let’s consider the woman who is currently single but was previously married. In this scenario, she finds herself single all over again after 20+ years of what she thought was a great marriage. He came home one day and while she was waiting for her usual ‘hi honey I’m home’ hug, instead she was met with an ultimatum and some divorce papers. Her ‘loving’ husband explains that he is leaving her for his mistress. So now she is single with five children and left waiting for an apology or waiting for it all to make sense. There are days when she wants to cry and some days she can’t wait to stop crying. I’m guessing she feels like her life was wasted away with years of loving a man who chose not to honor their covenant relationship. She probably feels like she can’t get any of that time back because so much was poured into a marriage that somehow crumbled right before her eyes. I can only imagine what she must feel, knowing that the man she thought would protect her and love her (“until death” as vowed), would opt to throw their entire family away. Years of memories and a lifetime of family bonding, gone. Her question becomes – how do I start again after so much of my life has passed? Single Dope Black Chick, is that you?
Whether you empathize with all or none of those scenarios, there’s one common thread. As it pertains to relationships, we all know what it feels like to WAIT. If you’re currently single, perhaps you’re waiting for Mr. Fine to find you. Maybe you’re married but waiting for your husband to come home. Some of you are in abusive relationships, waiting for your partner to realize that you’re valuable beyond measure. Somebody is single because you got tired of waiting for your man to get a job or maybe to KEEP one! A few out there are celibate and waiting on the right partner before having sex. Somebody else is waiting for that pregnancy test to come back and praying not to have another abortion. And then there’s that woman who is completely happy and thoroughly satisfied with her man so she is waiting for Mr. Fine to come home from work and rub her tired, achy feet!
Allow me to speak LIFE to each of you. We are all waiting for something but while you wait, I encourage you to SHIFT! Shift your perspective. Shift your thinking and yes… SHIFT YOUR WAIT! Your job is not to be focused on the fact that you are compelled to WAIT but instead your response while you wait…. The next time you’re in traffic and feel yourself getting impatient – SHIFT! The next time you’re under a time constraint and while sitting at your desk, the computer crashes in the middle of your project – SHIFT! I know you’re 50 years young and feel like you should be married by now but it feels like Mr. Fine is taking forever to find you…. SHIFT!!!!
I recently stumbled across a powerful scripture while writing this. Micah 7:7 says – But as for me I will look to the Lord, I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
As I read for clarity, I paused to wonder why it didn’t say I will SPEAK, and God will HEAR me? No, it says I will WAIT, and God will HEAR…. What leaped off the page for me was the fact that your WAIT is SPEAKING volumes! Be careful to take note of what your wait phase is saying about you and to you. What are you saying while you wait? Are you saying that you’re impatient and wouldn’t really be able to handle the pressure of marriage anyway? Does your wait say that you are focused more on the next Facebook post than your goals? Does your wait say that you are idle and unable to fill your time with purpose? Are you saying, instead of being fixed on the fact that I’m single, let me busy myself with purpose and bury myself in God so that I’m not consumed with my relationship status? Are you working on yourself? Are you making the best use of your time by learning what you need to know about yourself so that when you finally are in a relationship, you have the ammunition you need to make it last? Are you waiting with purpose? Single Dope Black Chick WHAT ARE YOU SAYING WHILE YOU WAIT?
In my book, I talk about what it means to be a BOSS because lots of women claim to be one. Yeah well, a real B.O.S.S. in my opinion is a Builder of Strategic Success.© She builds and she strategizes. She doesn’t wait for someone to hand her a job – she creates job opportunities that help her community. She doesn’t wait for a solution because she knows her very name is one. She doesn’t wait for handouts she’s building the empire that will one day become the handout. (Wow…. You’ll get that one later.) Who you are as a woman is not defined by your relationship status. Any woman who is a true prize understands her value and operates accordingly whether there’s a man validating her or not….
Most times waiting is looked upon as an inconvenience. If we’re honest, we sometimes get annoyed when we are forced to do so. Let’s be real, when that computer slows down to “buffering” or “loading” while you’re faced with a certain deadline, the response is not usually joy! Sometimes when we see that little circle spinning on the screen and what we’re waiting for hasn’t ‘popped up’ yet it can almost be annoying. I challenge you – the next time that happens, check your attitude! Whether you’re literally waiting for a simple photo to download OR if you’re waiting on something serious like a Life Partner – spot check what you’re “SAYING” while you wait and choose to use that time wisely. Next time you find yourself waiting, I hope you look at things from a fresh perspective. Realize that any waiting period can instantly become a prized opportunity to get some things in order…. or perhaps just a chance for you to: Shift Your WAIT!
Natasha Marie, age 44, is the author of a book entitled First Lady Redefined and she is the proud mother of her 15 year old son, Jalen. She works full time at a local insurance agency, but education is her passion and she's also a proud contributing member (or "WOKE Mom") of an organization called M.O.B.B. United (www.mobbunited.org).