What is Valentine's Day if you're single? Rochester women want to change the narrative

By Rob Bell of the Democrat & Chronicle Newspaper [Repost]

According to census data and a new study by rentcafe.com, Rochester has the third-highest share of single households in the country at 71%.

That's a lot of single people and Valentine's Day is upon us. Leading up to the holiday, The Democrat & Chronicle spoke with a group of women, attempting to shift the narrative from a day meant for couples to an opportunity to indulge in sisterhood.

"It's a time for love, but it's also a time for self-reflection," said Sierra Monae, a local radio personality and director of promotions and community engagement for 105.5 FM The Beat. "I know some women get sad around this time if they don't have that someone special in their life. It can take a mental toll."

The radio station hosted a "Galentine's Day" brunch this past Saturday to redirect the narrative around Valentine's Day. The brunch was an exclusive and unique networking opportunity for women interested in collaborating and advancing the Rochester community. Local businesses were on-site with giveaways.

"We did this event to show the ladies we have a sisterhood," Monae said. "The day doesn't always have to be oriented toward a male. We can have just as much fun showing love to each other."

Galentine's Day, typically celebrated Feb. 13, has become a holiday of its own in recent years, with women planning events, retreats and even girls' trips worldwide. The day's origins are from an episode of the television series Parks and Recreation.

Locally, those participating in the celebration believe self-care is essential for single people around this time of the year.

"Your value does not have to be attached to your relationship status," Jessica Lewis said.

Lewis created the blog "Single Dope Black Chick" to change the conversation around being single.

"When you prioritize yourself, love will find you," Lewis said.

A focus on self-love may be difficult around Feb. 14, as ads and commercials bombard us with images of romance and relationships.

"It's a time of year that reminds us of structural and societal norms," Christina Bella said.

Bella is general manager  for Bluelight Communications and one of the organizers of Saturday's event.

"I think it's great that there is a Galentine's Day," Bella said. "It's an empowering day where you can just hang out with your girlfriends."

"When you're single, everybody thinks it's a death sentence," said Racqui B, another radio personality for The Beat 105.5 FM. "The reality is, sometimes you need to take time to learn about yourself."

As the conversation evolved, a debate on the importance of Valentine's Day ensued. Some women believe it's just another day, while others see the holiday as a chance to show people how much you care and love them. All the women could agree on the need for a self-care day centered around single men to cultivate healthier relationships in the community.

"That would be a good thing," Monae said. "Men should do the work so they can be emotionally available for women. We want real commitment."

Monae and Bella hope to curate similar events for the community throughout the year. The women concluded their conversation with advice for those looking to show their partner love on the special day.

"You have to learn your mate's love language," Racqui B said. "If their love language is receiving gifts, get them a gift. If their love language is spending quality time, sit on the couch and spend quality time."