What this last decade has meant to me

By Dr. Melany Silas

As 2019 and the past decade closes out, I have already begun to plan not only for 2020 but for the next 10 years of my life. The past decade as a Single Dope Black Chick has been amazing. If I could briefly summarize those adventures, it would look something like this:

At the start of 2010, my daughter was only 1 ½ years old. The past 10 years has comprised of me raising her as a single mom. She is now a pre-teen, with all that comes with that title…still a kid in some ways, yet maturing and slowly coming into her own. In my early years as a mom, it was hard for me to consider Nyah and I as a family. As years passed, I had to have a talk with myself and I let go of the mentality that a lack of a spouse determined our family status. Since, I have been intentional about modeling our family lifestyle. We take family trips, we have family game nights, we have family dates, and we create mother and daughter outings with friends. As a Single Dope Black Chick, raising a soon to be Single Dope Black Chick, I realized that the way I frame our existence will be reflective in how Nyah views herself. So, I go full throttle. We travel every year, sometimes nationally and sometimes internationally.  Internationally, Nyah has seen Jamaica, the Bahamas, and Africa. Taking her to Egypt (Cairo, Giza (Pyrimids), Memphis, Luxor), and Morocco (Fes, Chefchaouen, Meknes, Marrakesh, Cassablanca, Rabat, Volubilis), was by far the highlight of our travels so far. It is my intention to model what living looks like. Being a Single Dope Black Chick does not equate to waiting for a particular time or person…it is creating your own path, your own rhythm, your own lifestyle, on your own terms, doing so unapologetically and teaching your daughter to do the same!  

As a Single Dope Black Chick, I started my own company, MJS Productions. MJS Productions was birthed in 2010 and produced its first production in 2011. Black Girls Anthem (BGA) sold out 6 shows in one weekend at Geva Theater. Wow! Talk about dreaming big while being scared and having no clue what you are doing!  MJS Productions allowed me to dive into my writing. I became a playwright, a composer, and creative mind behind a collection of choreopoems, conferences, award showcases, and empowerment workshops for women and girls specifically. In 2019, MJS Productions reached its 21st event and touched 1400 people as we discussed: Black Women and Girls and Mental Health, with the purpose of “Changing Our Narrative.” Over the past decade, MJS Productions has hosted guest such as, living legend and icon Dr. Angela Davis, and so many more. As a Single Black Dope Chick, I believe in creating your own lane, using your gifts, partnering with your community, doing what you are passionate about, and integrating your calling into everything that you do!

Sometimes, being a Single Dope Black Chick, means answering your calling, being excellent in your career (especially when you are “the only one”), being the leader of the pack, and picking up goals that have been left by the wayside. Over these past 10 years, I have had the blessed opportunity to preach and teach in my role as a minister in many settings. Professionally, I have been promoted to full professor, written and revised courses and curriculum, served as course and adjunct coordinator, and served as chair of our African American Affinity Group. I served as the President of the Rochester Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., for two terms (four years).  Finally, at the end of 2019, I successfully earned my PhD in Counseling and Counselor Education at Syracuse University. This was an 11 year journey and a task that certainly proved to challenge me beyond myself. Being a Single Dope Black Chick, does require balance. I did not always get the balance thing right and sometimes it took stepping back, stopping altogether, recalibrating, and reprioritizing. These roles required me to seek God, trust myself, and do the things that spoke to who I was and who I wanted to be.

As a Single Dope Black Chick, I would be remiss if I didn’t share some struggles. Every Single Dope Black Chick has them. I didn’t always feel like a Single Dope Black Chick. I was unsure of myself many times. There were challenges along the way.  I cried many days and sometimes nights. I was scared OFTEN. I didn’t always get it right and I made many mistakes along the way. Sometimes I felt misunderstood or lonely and alone. And I definitely needed help along the way. A Single Dope Black Chick needs her TRIBE! My family and sister circles have been EVERYTHING!

There was a point within the past decade that anxiety and depression really got the best of me. I needed more than my tribe to get me through. I have always experienced a level of nervousness prior to speaking (I promise its true), but it seemed to intensify and became overwhelming. So this Single Dope Black Chick got counseling for both the depression and anxiety. I see my counselor at least once a month (another Dope Black Chick). She helps me to be healthy mentally and emotionally. Mental health is such a personal topic for me.  My mother developed schizophrenia at a young age, and I grew up not talking about mental health…when I so needed to talk about mental health. So of course, I talk to Nyah about it, and she has come to sessions with me. Personally and professionally, I want to help normalize not only the conversations around mental health, but the self-care behavior of therapy. So what does 2020 and the next decade bring?
I guess I just shared a bit of it. 2020 is my year of more! More peace (peace is underrated), more family, more friends, more fulfilling my purpose, more creativity, more writing, more depth, more time, more lessons, more prosperity!

When I think of myself as a Single Dope Black Chick, I make it a point to never be in competition with others, yet always in competition with myself. I believe that I represent the woman that dares; that fails and succeeds; that falls, gets back up and that dusts herself off; that dreams big; that moves on faith; that talks to God often (“never let your pride seal your lips from conversations with God”); that is often inspired by others; that is certainly purpose driven; and that is aware and unapologetically herself.

Single Dope Black Chick: Being Single is not a demotion, it is an opportunity. Being Dope is all of what you make it…remember your standards, not others. Black…unapologetically, proudly, beautifully, masterfully, boldly, bravely, with excellence, and with all the magic you have been blessed with. Chick– phenomenal woman…THAT’S ME!

Melany J. Silas, PhD., is an Educator, Counselor, Playwright, Author, Minister and Mother. She has earned B.A. in Health Studies, and a M.A. in Counseling and Human Development from the University of Rochester. She has also earned a Master in Divinity from Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School and a PhD in Counseling and Counselor Education from Syracuse University. She is currently a Professor in the Health Studies Department at Monroe Community College where she teaches courses around emotional wellness, grief and loss and Black women’s mental health and wellness. Dr. Melany J. Silas is also the Founder and CEO of MJS Productions, LLC.
(www.melanyjsilas.com)