What the data says about Black women being single

By Jessica Lewis

In 2016, 48% of African American women reported that they had never been married compared to 34% of all Americans. According to www.blackdemographics.com, there are about 364,000 more Black men who are married than Black women even though Black women make up 51% of the Black population. While marriage has been a declining institution among all Americans and this decline is even more evident in the Black community, more Black women have never been married than ever before.

While there’s evidence that shows high incarceration rates of Black men and interracial marriage are contributing factors, Black women are more likely to be single than other women across America.  As such is the case with myself.

I’ve been single since 2017 and recently took myself out of the dating game to get a better understanding of who I am as an individual. I was used to being in long-term committed relationships, but after my last relationship there seemed to be a lull in my dating life. That lull allowed me to take an introspective look at myself. I needed to figure out what made me happy outside the company of a man. I needed to do some internal work to figure out my part in the failure of my relationship and, most importantly, I needed to understand why I did not like being alone.

In early 2019, I set out to address these issues within myself and the larger context of the societal narrative I had ascribed to. Somehow I found myself feeling down because I didn’t have a man. After some soul searching, it dawned on me that I was not alone. There are other Black women dealing with these same feelings and emotions. All I had to do was look at my timeline on Facebook to see. Post after post, I would see friends posting about being single, how hard the dating game is and why men aren’t doing this and that.

The final post that broke the camel’s back, was a girl asking if people would look at her funny if she went to the movies by herself. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The only thing that I could say to her is that she’d be the only one concerned about going to the movies alone. Everyone else would be enjoying their time just like she should. At that moment, I knew it was time to launch a platform to address singleness among women in the Black community. My goal is to change the narrative that being single is a sad and lonely space to be in.

In February 2019, Single Dope Black Chick (SDBC) was born. SDBC is a space to have real conversations about life as a single woman. All too often, we see posts on Facebook with the hashtag relationship goals. We see images of couples traveling, dining, and enjoying life. But reality is, nobody’s relationship is “goals.” Everyone has to go and grow through things to maintain a healthy relationship. In fact, we know that relationships take work. They are not easy, so we should avoid hashtagging relationship goals, and embrace where we are in our individual journeys and commit ourselves to finding our purpose, walking by faith and living our best lives each day.  As women we need to find what makes us happy. Not in superficial ways, but in meaningful ways that will impact our most inner being.

The blog explores that and all realities of Black women. It also gives readers a glimpse into my life as a professional and business owner, who is unmarried with no children figuring out things as I go along. After three failed relationships, I’m ready to help myself and other women redefine life as a single woman, discover self-love, and explore new definitions of dating and relationships to ultimately live happy and whole lives.