How to get your groove back like Stella

By Cynshei Wilson

First, you put your freak-em dress on *que Beyoncé* then you go to the club with your girls. Next, you look for a fine BALLER type nig- okay, let me be honest, I’m still trying to get my groove back, *sigh.*

After having my baby, I let my self go BAD. Whew chile, I barely got dressed, didn’t care to leave the house, just drowning in the motions of being a mom. During my pregnancy, I told myself that I would not allow that to happen. I was going to be a MILF. But after I gave birth, HA! I damn sure didn’t look like one. My baby will be 6 months old on September 22nd, 2019 (woot woot!) and I’m still trying to get my groove back like I’m Stella. For my millennials that are lost in the sauce or my Generation Z babies, How Stella Got Her Groove Back is a movie that came out in the late 90s. Stella, was a middle-aged divorcee, and the mother of a preteen. She was also a business woman, all work and no play. Until she took a trip to JA where she met a fine young thang who had her loose as a goose. She went from an uptight prune to living her best life! Maybe I need to take a trip to JA so I can meet a fine chocolate man. Okay, Okay I’m joking, (if you’re reading this babe, please don’t kill me). But I do need to get my groove back.

I think some people are under the impression that getting your groove back is a reference used only when try to find a man. But my definition is getting back to your best self. Before I became a mom, I was heavy into reading books. I loved doing my hair, getting a face beat from my bestie, shopping, getting my brows done, going out to eat, debating, just a slew of different activities. But when I had my daughter, I loved -- her. I was a so wrapped up into being her mom that I put myself on the back burner. It’s so bad, I said I wouldn’t talk about her in the post, and yet here we are. I finally returned to work a month ago after 5 long months of being gone. At first, I didn’t know how I would be able to breath without her, and her without me, but we’ve managed. Shoot, most days I don’t know if she even realizes that I’m gone. My baby lives her best life, okay! And mommy is about to start living hers too. My main reservation is mommy guilt. I’m already away from her for 5 days a week, 48 hours or more thanks to work. I can’t imagine spending more time away just to enjoy myself. It sounds like such a crime. I’m the mom who asks, “can my baby come too?” when someone contacts me with plans, LOL! But in order to be the best mom, I must be my best self. I must get back what makes me an individual, the person I was before I took on the title of mom. Momma gotta get her groove back!

Although, I dreaded my return to work, it has helped me move towards my goal. I’m out of the house, I’m around adults and of course the extra money doesn’t hurt. I began networking and seriously thinking about the future for my daughter and I. As for getting dressed, hair and make-up... well, everything takes time, LOL! I’m getting it together though, slowly but surely. I’ve spoken to quite a few moms who’ve been dealing with this exact issue and my #1 advice is DON’T be afraid to live your life OUTSIDE of being a mom. You will drown in a pool of overwhelming stress if you don’t find some sort of outlet. If returning to work doesn’t work for you and your family, have a self-care day! Self-care can range anywhere from a glass of wine when the children are napping, to a full-blown spa day. Whatever you choose, allow yourself to fully unwind and allow the days worries to be washed away, if only for a few moments. And if finding your groove back includes finding the perfect man, just remember, in order to attract the best mate, you must first be your best self. From the words of Yvette, “Momma gotta have a life too!” Now all my Stella’s go get your groove back, boo!

Cynshei‘ Wilson is a 25 year old new mother determined to excel in life with her daughter by her side. She has an Associate’s Degree in Criminal Justice and a Bachelor’s Degree as a Legal Studies major. Cynshei’ aspires to attend Howard University’s School of Law. She then wishes to began her career as a Criminal Defense Attorney and end her career wherever her black girl magic takes her.