Recovery in Singlehood

By Tiffany Nicole

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, the word "attitude" means "an internal position or feeling with regard to something else." Other words often used as synonyms are: "disposition, feeling, mood, opinion, sentiment, temper, tone, perspective, frame of mind, outlook, view, or morale."

Airplane pilots often use altitude to describe their horizontal relationship with the runway when they land. If their altitude isn’t aligned properly, the plane will make contact with the ground at the wrong angle and it will cause them to crash. A bad attitude is a significant enough problem when it affects our personal relationships or even potential relationships. In our single time, we should be able to do inventory on our characteristics and how those particular traits played a role in the demise of the past relationship. As women it is sometimes easy to place the sole responsibility of the failed relationship on the man for what he didn’t do, or the things that he did do that was not conducive to a healthy relationship, however we are just as responsible for our attitude, choice of words, tone of words and even body language when it comes to the climate of our relationships. As we all know, it is not what is said, but how the statement is said that will determine the response. There’s always room for improvement, but have you really stopped to think if you’ve been told about my attitude, “are my words sharp and sometimes cutting,” “do I create a peaceful environment for myself first before I attempt to bring someone into that space?”

Chances are you probably have not thought about these things mentioned because you felt your actions were a direct result of someone else’s actions. While this may be true, it is deeper than that. Sometimes the nasty attitude or harsh tone or clear signs of hurt or trauma that have not been dealt with surface. Relationships should not be treated like band aids, or quick fixes to cure what’s broken or from being single. Relationships are like a bridge metaphorically speaking they serve as a transitional connection between two places and even people. When we treat relationships like band aids, we are severing the connection aspect of it and turning into an infection. Seems pretty drastic but the reality of it all is that when we don’t seek help, treatment, therapy for what has left us broken it becomes a cancer that spreads to every part of our being. A broken heart does not just affect our heart, it affects our mind, the way we think about dating in general, the way our mentality is regarding potential partners and ultimately how we think about ourselves. How we view ourselves sets the tone and standard for how we will be treated by the people we choose to entertain and date. It is portrayed in the way we carry ourselves and our daily language concerning ourselves.

That same attitude determines where our single journey will go. Very rarely is that talked about, but if we are honest our singlehood is the most crucial part of our dating life. If we choose to walk in bitterness, continuous heartbreak will carry over into the next relationship. I like to think of being single as my recovery process. In the recovery process there are things that patients are restricted to do in order to ensure healing effectively.  The three restrictions are:

Reflecting on past relationships should only be done to see how we can improve ourselves. Anything else, STOP IT!

Quit bashing that man/ woman, it’s a sure sign of bitterness.

Love isn’t a waste of time, it’s who we choose to love that can be a waste of time.

Enjoy this journey/process, fall in love with who you are inside and out, progress mentally, physically, financially and spiritually. The next relationship will be about growth and peace!

Tiffany Nicole is a full time blogger and founder of The Diary of a Curvy Girl. She also owns a custom shoe business, Couture Creations and is the co-founder of the radio show, The Queen Code on 100.9 WXIR.