The Promise After the Pain
By Dr. Sharitta Gross
Leaving something you wanted and felt you would experience for a lifetime can be greatly disappointing.
What will people think of or say about me? Does this mean I’m not wife material?
Will someone ever love me the way I desire or at all now—I mean, I am XX years old?
Here are my suggestions, in no particular order based solely on my personal experience and observation in my 43 years of living...
1. Try not to be malicious in your departure. It’s key to maintaining a clean conscious and when grieving the loss it can serve you well.
2. Accept a person for who they are, not what you want them to be. Water has the potential to be lemonade, however, without sugar and fresh lemon, water is what you are going to get—until something changes within that main element.
3. Keep your circle small and do not air grievances on social media. Remember, you chose that person and when you point one finger three point back. There’s a marked difference between sharing your truth with someone you trust implicitly versus public slander. Screenshots are indeed receipts and some things ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I was in my feelings’ just won’t fix.
4. Set aside public opinion. This ain’t about them and never was.
5. Look inward, evaluating who you are and what are your absolute must haves in a relationship. Understand that in some cases IT IS better to start over than stay. Life will not end in either case, however, you owe it to yourself and your significant other to choose. To stay and resent them or leave, yet dart in and out of one another’s lives just isn’t productive. It’s emotionally exhausting and wastes time you cannot get back.
6. Love can make a comeback, but you’ve gotta be open and not make the new person pay the ‘tab’ of the prior. The heart is a muscle, so although it can be overworked, bruised or stretched, it can be rehabilitated as well.
After a long term relationship, it’s tough to acquire a healthy relationship if you try to hide certain parts of yourself or where you are emotionally. Emotion must be managed before it manages you. While courting or being courted you’ve gotta be honest about your emotional availability. TELL the person so they know what you need and expectations are better managed for the both of you.
7. Trust the God of your choice to pull you through. He can and will restore your heart. His promises never return void.
And I can attest to this because although I am still dope, I am no longer single.
Sharitta Gross is a proud Rochester native raised on the west side of the city. She is currently the Vice-Chair of the Cheryl Speranza Leadership Institute.
This past May she changed her title to ‘Doctor’, receiving her doctorate of Education from St. John Fishers’ Executive Leadership program.
She plans to find creative ways to elevate her research on academically successful undergraduate Black males in STEM disciplines at a predominately White institution to leave the field of education, her community and the world a little better than she found it. All this while living her absolute best life and traveling when she can to create new memories with family and loved ones!