The Ultimate Exchange: A Broken Heart for an Aligned Vision

By Ericka Wilson

“The Ultimate Exchange: A Broken Heart for an Aligned Vision”

I saw it with the clearest eye, coming straight for me. Even after I knew better, I didn’t do better. 

My last serious relationship lasted for nearly 4 years. We started dating while I was in college... while I was still piecing together my heart from a previous heartbreak... while I was battling my young life with a blinded eye. But, at some point those struggles didn’t matter because “I had me a new man.” I mean he became Bae for sooooo many reasons. His creative ideas for dates, his random love songs/notes, his cooking, his knowledge, his appreciation for the black woman and so much more. I just knew God had delivered this man straight to me. It was good times, good loving and good living. But, after all of that “good, good” I’m single today. *inserts stale face* I didn’t see this heartbreak coming at first... but, it eventually became clear. 

Recently, I let that old Bae get some of this “good, good.” “Good, good” is my attention, affection, wise advice, positive energy and support. While giving him the “good, good” I knew I was crossing my own boundaries by doing so. Feeding into a man I was no longer with. A man I once knew. His latest yearn for my “good, good” gave me faith that there was a chance of working things out. Even after he didn’t follow me when I took a job in my career across the country, even after he admitted to cheating, even after he told me I had to become a Muslim to be his lady. Even after all of this, a little piece of me still “visioned” this black man in my future and it felt real good for a moment. But, my intuition was telling me: “let that man alone, Ericka!” And even with my intuition, I still believed in an “us.” I know what you’re thinking: “Something just isn’t right with this sista’s vision.” Yep, you’re right.

So, I kept giving the “good, good,” remotely, of course, because we don’t live in the same state. That made it even more exhausting. Being great to a man who isn’t close by, who you don’t really trust, who you don’t even know you have a future with. So, I started being stingy with the “good, good.” I saw that my broken heart wasn’t being mended by the actions I was taking. I was becoming bitter again and my hand was sweating from holding on to those yesterday ass memories. My lids were too heavy. I’ve decided to move out of the sun and into the shade to see things clearly.

A man can no longer cross my mind with his dirty feet. I’m trading in my broken heart for an aligned vision. A vision to see clearly how all of my relationships with men should go... my relationship with my dad, my male friends/colleagues and of course the next man that feels I’m the woman for him. I’m letting go for the sake of an aligned vision and no more toleration for heartbreaks.

Who’s with me!?

Ericka E Wilson is a producer at News10NBC. She’s the treasurer of the Rochester Association of Black Journalists and co-social chair for the Rochester Young Black Rochester Black Young Professionals.