The Dreaded Situationship
By Tiffany Nicole
I have been single for eight years, a very long time. In this long, but short time the dating world has changed DRASTICALLY. In these short years I have seen the dating standards drop so much that “Netflix and chill” is now considered a date. The art of dating has definitely been lost along the way. Society has replaced conversation with texting, courting with Netflix and chill, and dates with 10 minute hookups. I’m sure we all desire to be courted in the right way, appreciated for the woman that we are and somebody to see us. Sex has significantly changed the course of the dating journey for us single girls. In my encounters, I have come across men who want to discuss sex before we discuss mental health. I am in no way against sex whatsoever, it’s completely beautiful with the one you love. However, just because the sex is good does not mean the person will be good for you or that a relationship with that person will be good. Often times singles get sucked into “situationships” because it is the idea of someone constantly there without putting a title or label on the actual relationship. Most situationships are primarily built off sex from two emotionally unavailable people. I have been a victim of a situationship. Sex was great and I mean mind blowingly good. His communication was great. He was fine, literally everything that I was looking for in a man. Yes, he told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and I brushed it off because I just knew my actions could change his mind. BIG, BIG MISTAKE. He was still in love with his ex, not just the normal ex but his first love ... you know the first love you literally never forget and even after all the years have passed you are never really over, yeah that ex.
At first it didn’t bother me because I mean after all we were only “talking.” Over time it started to bother me more because I realized my feelings for him were no longer nonchalant and restricted. Now I was imagining a life with him. Wanting the world to know that I had found my person. Unfortunately, life dealt me a blow that I was not ready for and on Valentine’s Day at that, he presented to the social media world his girlfriend. The same one that told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious is now in a serious relationship. I was crushed beyond measure and it was all my fault because I believed I could have changed his mind to match what I wanted. Those variables should be reason enough to avoid any type of physical contact, but for some people that’s the reason to be drawn towards it. Sex is being used as a band aid instead of a form of communication between two people committed to each other. When sex is removed from the dating table we allow ourselves to truly get to know the person for who they really are (reality) vs who we want them to be (fantasy).
We have to be intentional in creating a healthy dating life for ourselves. The patterns we create and commit to will follow us through our relationship journey. By being emotionally WHOLE and AVAILABLE we eliminate the risk of entering situationships thus avoiding an emotional catastrophe and the need to rebuild our hearts yet again. Some red flags that you should be aware of when getting to know someone, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” If you are in a mindset of wanting to be committed there really should be no need to further communication with that person. They have already let you know I am unavailable and I don’t want to change that. “I don’t like titles.” They have a problem with commitment which could lead to trust and infidelity issues later down the road. As much as being single seems like a task for the time being entering a situationship or the wrong relationship is an even bigger emotional task. Let’s get this thing right the next time, ladies
Tiffany Nicole is a full time blogger and founder of The Diary of a Curvy Girl. She also owns a custom shoe business, Couture Creations and is the co-founder of the radio show, The Queen Code on 100.9 WXIR.